Sophy Pern
September 2025
Regardless of content, some conversations flow more naturally than others. Pausing to notice this and wonder why it is, we noticed that there are typically 5 key stages.
We’ve handily labelled the five stages as the five Cs: Connect, Contract, Create shared context, Choose and Close.
Whether you are planning for large group event for 200 people, or a one-to-one with a colleague, having these five stages in mind helps set up conversations that have a good chance of flowing well. And when all you need to do is be part of the conversation, having these five stages in mind provides a map to figure out where you are, and where the conversation might need to go next.
Connect
Often missed, and yet a fateful first step is the act of taking time to connect with each other as fellow humans. A rule of thumb here is that if this is done well, it means that the relationship between us is just a little bit stronger than it was on arrival. In smaller conversations it might be that we share a moment of laughter, take a few moments to notice how we are arriving, perhaps disclosing something that we don’t know about each other. For large groups this might take the form of a longer activity that gives people a chance to speak to each other, and create a sense of who is in the room. The test remains whether we’ve built more connection between and across participants.
Contract
At its most simple this looks like checking in on whether we’ve all come to the right meeting. For shorter meetings it might be as simple as reconfirming an agenda and running order, giving space for any last-minute additions and checking how we need to use our time together. For larger meetings there might be a longer process of agreeing the agenda and ground rules for the group. This is an important moment that allows us to share expectations and whether or how they will be met, as well as for people to decide if they want to participate, and under what conditions. Contracting in this way early on also allows us to refocus, or consciously decide to change direction as required as the meeting unfolds.
Create shared context
“Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts”, Daniel Patrick Monynihan famously said. And yet, in an ever increasingly complex, and fragmented, and fast paced world, it’s likely that we arrive in a conversation with a wide range of facts and perspectives.
Creating shared context includes not only the “facts” but also what sense we make of them, or what meaning they have for us.
The format for this can vary hugely from meeting to meeting. It could be sharing data, insights, updates on what has happened since the last time a group was together, as well as time to discuss inferences, assumptions. It is a process that done well involves asking questions as well as making statements.
This step is crucial because without shared context there can be no collective and coordinated action. In many conversations it is the bulk of the time.
Choose
As conversations draw to a close, there is always a moment of choice. This could be the choice to speak again, launch actions, the choice to speak to others, or quite simply, the choice to do nothing. Taking time to talk about the choices we are making together, and being explicit helps the conversation to come full cycle. When we’ve spent enough time on creating shared context, this can often be a short- yet satisfying stage.
Close
Much like connecting at the start of the conversation, this is often a short step. We might ask each other what we’ve enjoyed (or not) about our time together, whether or how well we’ve achieved what we needed to achieve, when and how we might reconvene or how we are feeling as we leave. This could take the form of a single word, a quick reflection.
Ending well allows us to move on to other things well.
The craft of facilitation
Conversations are at the heart of how we relate to each other. In organisations, most work gets done through conversation. Being intentional and deliberate about how we set up and participate in them is arguably, our core skill.
The craft of facilitation can be thought of as helping pick a path through the terrain. A map helps us to judge when to stay the course, when to move on, and perhaps most interestingly, when to go off-piste.
